There is no simple or single answer to this question but believing in rape myths and shamed masculinity are common in men who rape. This might give us a path to prevention.
Early in our marriage, it came out in a discussion between us that my husband couldn't understand why I was more positive about benevolent sexists than hostile sexists. He could see they were both sexist and that was that -- I should react the same. I didn't have the vocabulary back then, at least a couple of decades ago, to explain it to him. Now I realize I instinctively understood that I was safer -- less likely to be raped -- with benevolent sexists (the ones who weren't contemptuous and angry) even if I didn't understand at the time why they were safer. So this is all fascinating to read about. Thank you so much.
Recently I served as a jury and saw a first hand that police doesn’t take a sexual assault case seriously. I believed the victim story but “believing” was not enough to convince me and other jurors
the accused guilty “beyond reasonable doubt”. There was no strong supportive evidence presented. They could have obtained a couple crucial evidence if police did minimum investigation you expect them to do. Sadly I don’t think this is the isolated case.
During the jury service I learned that the majority of the cases going to trials are sexual assault/ rape. Without solid investigation and evidence gathering by police there is no way justice will serve to the victims.
A doctor who ignores a patient to their detriment can be sued for negligence. Maybe we need to start suing police officers who neglect their responsibilities in these cases to bring about change. But since police officers aren't paid much no lawyer would take the case. Also, it's concerning harm against women, so no lawyer will take the case. Wow, I'm really jaded!
Adding in that rape victims are dismissed from such cases, and considering how many women are raped, it’s clear the crime has never been taken seriously.
I remember we got an overview session about respectfull relationships program I thought it looked quite good and taught alot of softskills that are generally applicable and i rember somone commenting that in can lead to increased reports of domestic violence. Its disappointing there is was much of a study to determine its effectiveness.
In the section about offenders feeling shame about their masculiniity as below:
"Many of them, however, do feel a very deep sense of shame. Not about the sexual violence they’ve committed, but about their own masculinity."
We're they really feeling shame about masculinity or were they feeling like their not enough as a person? In reflecting that up until the last two or three years I personally never thought about masculinity specifically, its only internet content that has me thinking about it.
Early in our marriage, it came out in a discussion between us that my husband couldn't understand why I was more positive about benevolent sexists than hostile sexists. He could see they were both sexist and that was that -- I should react the same. I didn't have the vocabulary back then, at least a couple of decades ago, to explain it to him. Now I realize I instinctively understood that I was safer -- less likely to be raped -- with benevolent sexists (the ones who weren't contemptuous and angry) even if I didn't understand at the time why they were safer. So this is all fascinating to read about. Thank you so much.
Nuances are always more difficult to see. He’s not wrong that benevolent sexism is still harmful but you’re also right to feel less threatened by it.
Right. I hated both types of sexism, just knew that one of them was a bigger threat of rape than the other. Thanks for all of the great info.
Recently I served as a jury and saw a first hand that police doesn’t take a sexual assault case seriously. I believed the victim story but “believing” was not enough to convince me and other jurors
the accused guilty “beyond reasonable doubt”. There was no strong supportive evidence presented. They could have obtained a couple crucial evidence if police did minimum investigation you expect them to do. Sadly I don’t think this is the isolated case.
During the jury service I learned that the majority of the cases going to trials are sexual assault/ rape. Without solid investigation and evidence gathering by police there is no way justice will serve to the victims.
A doctor who ignores a patient to their detriment can be sued for negligence. Maybe we need to start suing police officers who neglect their responsibilities in these cases to bring about change. But since police officers aren't paid much no lawyer would take the case. Also, it's concerning harm against women, so no lawyer will take the case. Wow, I'm really jaded!
Is it any wonder so many of us are jaded?? Perpetrators Assaulting women hardly ever face any lasting consequences. Not so for victim survivors.
Adding in that rape victims are dismissed from such cases, and considering how many women are raped, it’s clear the crime has never been taken seriously.
Too triggered to read your piece at the moment but thank you showing his face, the rapist.
Thank you for this very informative piece. This seems crucial.
I remember we got an overview session about respectfull relationships program I thought it looked quite good and taught alot of softskills that are generally applicable and i rember somone commenting that in can lead to increased reports of domestic violence. Its disappointing there is was much of a study to determine its effectiveness.
In the section about offenders feeling shame about their masculiniity as below:
"Many of them, however, do feel a very deep sense of shame. Not about the sexual violence they’ve committed, but about their own masculinity."
We're they really feeling shame about masculinity or were they feeling like their not enough as a person? In reflecting that up until the last two or three years I personally never thought about masculinity specifically, its only internet content that has me thinking about it.